Who Are These Kids & Why Are They Calling Me Mom?

My Weight Loss Journey

2010-03-13T11:26:00.003-05:00

I finally am ready to really talk about my weight loss journey. Now, it's not like I haven't BEEN talking about it, I mean my Facebook friends know that my gym conquests are ALL I talk about. But, I mean, really talk about it.

I've been overweight since fifth grade when I started down the path that every woman in my family has taken. There are a million reasons why. Genetics, poor eating habits, and just generally making bad choices. Now, I do not believe that blaming anyone for your current situation is in any way healthy or helpful. However, understanding where some of your habits originated and making the necessary changes in the key to success in this area. I was raised as a member of the "clean plate club" as most of us were. I also was taught that food is a reward and food (and lots of it) is an absolute requirement of every successful social situation. My mother's voice echoes in my head "One must NEVER leave your house hungry. If they do you have failed as a hostess". Now, everyone who knows me knows two things for sure. I HATE failure, and if you come to my house, you are not leaving hungry!

These things coupled with trekking off to my first Weight Watchers meeting at 11 started me on an inevitable path of life-long struggles with my weight. I wasn't the fat kid with no friends. As a matter of fact, my weight wasn't really a problem for me socially. I had friends, boyfriends, and a great social life all the way into my 20s. I did not attend the prom alone or with my cousin. I had a great guy escort me in my size 18 prom gown and we had a great time. My husband married me while I wore a size 20 wedding gown. He loved me regardless of my size.

All of this is what makes my emotional journey so surprising. I wasn't an emotional eater. In fact, during very stressful and tragic times in my life I am unable to eat anything. I couldn't find a link between food and emotion in any way. I really thought my problem was 100% physical. I was mostly right, but there has been a hugely emotional part that has been very hard for me to grasp and as a result talk about.

After getting up to a size 22 I started a whole foods diet and started a healthy workout regiment at the gym. I lost about 40 pounds and got to a size 18 and was pretty close to tipping into a 16. Just like that, it stopped. Nothing I did would break me through the plateau I hit. Trainers could not help me. I was on a beta-blocker for a heart arrhythmia that lowered my blood pressure and heart rate so much that the most intense cardio activity would only raise my heart rate to about 95. Nothing could push it higher. I was told over and over again that I could not lose weight if I could not raise my heart rate. Once again I had failed. Two years later I was back in a 20 and miserable with a life-time of weight loss failure and no answers.

I watched some friends losing weight with Phentermine (brand name Adipex) and thought once again, maybe that is the answer. But truthfully, really thought that it probably wouldn't work for me. Months went by and I could never get the nerve to talk to a doctor. Finally my doctor forced me to come in when my heart medication ran out of refills. My blood pressure and heart rate were actually dangerously low at my visit. He switched my beta blockers to an ace inhibitor and was about to send me on my way. I dug deep and said, "What do you think about Adipex?" He said that it had been highly successful for some and worthless for others. He offered to let me try it since just the effect of higher heart rate and blood pressure would be hugely beneficial to my overall quality of life.

That was the day my physical life started over. I started the medication the day after Thanksgiving in a size 20. Today I've lost almost 55 pounds and am comfortably in a size 12. Now I'm not eating Twinkies and popping a pill. I've transformed my life. I eat whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, high fiber, and do not touch cakes, cookies, or really sweets of any kind. I am at the gym 4-5 days a week, and not playing around on a treadmill. My workouts have intensified and just this week joined a boot camp, basic training style class that has challenged me in a whole new way. I do yoga, pilates, the boot camp, and other cardio workouts. I am getting stronger and more fit with every passing day. Just this week I improved my timed mile by 1:14 minutes in only 2 days.

Now, I mentioned the unexpected emotional component. First, this has not only been a physical and emotional journey, but a spiritual one. I have finally accepted that God wants the absolute best of everything for me, included physical healing in the form of a healthy body. I have had to rely on Him in a whole new way. Through revelation by the Holy Spirit, other barriers have been broken down. The biggest and most surprising was the fact that subconsciously I felt in a very real way that weight loss success was a huge betrayal of my mother. I lost my mother over 13 years ago very suddenly and frankly as a result of her own poor health choices and lack of seeking medical care. Again, not blame, just being real. A large part of our relationship involved battling weight together. That was one of our "things". I had to really dig out those feelings and let go of them. My success does not illuminate her failure. I am my own person, with my own family and responsibilities. I have four daughters that I never want to have to experience the tragic loss of a mother at entirely too young of an age. Through a lot of prayer, I have broken free of these emotional shackles. This was a big deal that opened the door to tremendous breakthrough.

I now am looking forward to whatever God has for me down the next road. I love conquering new things that I never thought possible. Running a mile is absolutely nothing for many people, for me it is a mountain I have had to climb. Equipped with Philippians 4:13, I tearfully cross that line 3 times a week and improve with every step. I now have prayerfully set a goal to run a 5K in 6 months or less. I publish this to hold me accountable. I will do this and look forward to seeing faces at the finish line who understand what this means to me and the future of my children. I believe that the last chain on the shackles will be broken when I cross that line.

And my journey continues....

Lost- A Four Letter Word

2010-01-19T21:48:00.002-05:00

I have not kept up with blogging as I once intended to. Tonight, I will use my little corner of the world to express a very strong opinion, and I know you are all shocked that I have a very strong opinion :)

My daughters have shown strong athletic tendencies from the get go. My twins especially have always run faster, jumped higher, and even out-shot the boys. I love sports for the strategy, competition, and great life applications they provide so I strongly encourage them in this area. Yes, I am the mom yelling and screaming from the sideline like my kid is in the Superbowl at every game. I do not swear, degrade, and haven't to date smacked-down another parent.

I started my twins out in Upward sports. I loved the combination of devotions and Christian sportsmanship. I quickly learned that most of the sports were played a bit non-competitive and I wanted their abilities to be challenged and nurtured. This season we moved over to the Rec Department to play "more competitive" sports.

This basketball season, I attended the first game and could not believe what I saw. All of the age levels are required to allow the defense to "set-up" before advancing the ball. So this means white teams steals ball from red team and must stand there holding the ball and cannot continue play until the red teams has time to get down court and set up their defense. I was appalled at the entire prospect. Mikaela scored as many as 38 points a game last year on her interceptions and race down court for the score. She has quickly begun to become complacent about the game she had so much passion about.

Now, you say, who cares? Well, let me tell you. You should. This generation is the future of our world. This generation that is told that they are all winners, no one loses, no one sits on the bench, everyone wins all of the time, no one keeps score, and now everyone gets a head start, and of course everyone gets a trophy. How is this in any way the way that real life works? No way! You have to fight hard and play hard to get anywhere in this world and sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you lose. And then you learn from the loss and learn what to do different and better next time. Not our kids, they always win. Lost has become a forbidden four letter word.

I recognize that not everyone agrees with me on this, but that's ok. I can take it. See, I was raised to know that everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Everyone won't and doesn't have to agree with me. That is what makes this country a great place. However, that is changing. We have our kids link arms and sing Kumbaya until everyone is in "harmony". It is unrealistic, frustrating, and damaging to an entire generation.

I will now contact the rec department with my very strong opinion and see what happens. After one time of bringing up my view, others began to agree with me. Apparently some people are ready to stand and nod and say "Yeah, what she said" but no one has thought to challenge this head on. Well, God made me this way for a reason, so here goes Lorie to take on the rec department.

I will conclude with a direct quote in a monologue by Glenn Beck. I believe he says it best

"A warning, America: Don't you see because we have tried to make life easier for our kids, we have bought into the lie that there is a free lunch; that you can have it all; that there is no right and wrong. We have destroyed ourselves and we are about to destroy our kids' future by teaching them that losers get a trophy just like winners do. We have taught them that no matter if you win or lose or if you play the game, all outcomes are equal.

"It's a lie, but mark my words, all of society has reinforced this lie and when we yank that reality away, those who think they deserve the corner office, the prettiest girl, the biggest house and the Nobel Peace Prize for doing nothing, will not accept no for an answer — even if that means taking it from others.
"When we as parents went into their schools and said: 'not my child, it is somebody else,' when we accepted their cheating or stealing or lying and gave them a reward instead of a punishment we taught them they are above everything, even the rules — they will have no compassion on those that they will perceive destroyed what they had coming. . . . ~Glenn Beck

Blessings!

Repost of Last Year's Veteran's Day-Classic Moment

2009-11-10T21:26:00.004-05:00

The following is a re post of last year's Veteran's Day. It is a story I never want to forget. Mackenzie is in First Grade this year and all of my girls are getting big so fast. These kinds of stories are precious. Be blessed :)

Yesterday, Veteran's Day, my kindergartner came home from school all excited about what she had learned that day. I was particularly intrigued because her normal demeanor is exaggerated disgust at the "borin' stuff" she learned all day. So when she oozed enthusiasm, I sat down just waiting the see what had her so excited. She said, "Mommy, did you know that today is Veteran's Day? And we have to call Pop Pop because he is a Veteran, right"

"Yes, yes", I replied, "We always call Pop Pop on Veteran's Day and thank him for his service to our country and fighting in a war so we can have freedom."

"Well," she went on, "I can't wait to talk to him because I learned all about the Veterans and I want to ask him something."

I asked her to tell me what she learned and what she wanted to ask her grandfather.

"Well, the Veterans came over on the Mayflower and they met with Squanto. Squanto was an Indian and made friends with the Veterans. So since Pop Pop is a Veteran I figured maybe he actually got to meet Squanto!"

After I composed myself, I explained that she had indeed confused the Veterans and the Pilgrims and that I was very sure my father had not met Squanto. It was hysterical. It was a little sad though, she was so disappointed. I think she was expecting stories of my dad's encounters with the popular Indian. This was one of those priceless moments I never want to forget. A moment that oozes pure innocence. A moment so rare.

Blessings!

Update

2009-09-04T10:33:00.002-04:00

I wanted to update everyone on the status of yesterday's concern over the Presidential Address due to take place on Tuesday. Now this will automatically post to Facebook, and frankly I don't want to change all of my settings just for this one post. So that said, this note is not intended to restart a debate, just to inform those who only read my blog and are not my Facebook friends.

I received a reply from Mike Sleeper, co-chair of the Columbia County Board and later a note was sent home by our school principal reiterating the decision to all parents. It is the decision of the school board that taking time out of the school day on Tuesday to participate in the President's address does not advance the school district's objectives and the classes will not be taking part. Now, if you are concerned, you should send a note directly to your child's teacher. The schools will not take part, but individual classes, especially in the upper grades are not restricted from doing so. There is no mandate that teachers NOT participate. Our school principal has assured us that our entire elementary school will be going on with their day as normal.

I am pleased with the decision and am once again reminded that each of us has a voice and we have a right and responsibility to use it. If you do not agree with something I urge you first to research it and research it well. Ask yourself critical questions about your motives, pray about your decision, and then if you still feel strongly about it, then DO Something about it! Especially when it comes to our children. I am not saying I single handedly changed the course of this situation, but I feel my voice was heard and it may have been the factor that tipped the scales toward the end decision.

Thank you to everyone who both supported and challenged me on my stance on this subject. I am sure there will be opportunities for both in the future.

Blessings!

My Letter to CCBOE

2009-09-03T10:00:00.002-04:00

I found out only moments ago that there has not been a decision reached regarding Columbia County's participation in the President Obama national address for next Tuesday. I directed the following email to the Chairman and Co-Chairman of CCBOE. I urge you to do the same. Feel free to copy and paste any of my letter you would like to use as your own.

Send to the following addresses: jbuccafusco1@comcast.net, mike@sleeper.org

Dear Ms. Buccafusco and CCBOE Board,

I would like to express my concern and opinion to the Columbia County Board of Education regarding President Obama's Address to the nation's students next Tuesday, September 8. This concern is not politically motivated, but instead motivated by my rights as a parent to decide what my children will be taught, told, and exposed to. This is a unprecedented move on this administration's part and I do not want my children to be a part of it. I have read over everything available to the public regarding the packet you have been sent prior to this event. I have viewed the discussion questions and instructions. I am disturbed by the apparent indoctrination that is possible by such an event. I would be fine with the possibility of an evening address that we, as parents, are in control of. I would be fine with a pre-recorded address that I could view first and decide on the appropriateness of its content. I am, however, vehemently opposed to the forum as it is described that will be used next week. If the county's decision is to allow and support our schools to participate, I will remove my children from the classroom during any discussion and viewing of the Address. My opinion is shared by a number of other concerned parents and I urge you to consider your position on this very carefully,

Respectfully,

Lorie M Kerns
Concerned parent of three CCBOE students

Who Are These Kids? My Kids!!!

2009-09-02T22:31:00.003-04:00

Ok, I've just got to blog on this one. I've left my link on Facebook for each parent to make up their own mind, but this is my blog and I'm going to spill how I feel about this. Besides, I don't think I'll sleep tonight until I get this off my chest.

I only found out tonight that President Obama will address all of our children in school next Tuesday, September 8 at 12 noon. I could post any one of a thousand links, but you can google it and you'll find all the information you need from every perspective. At first I was slightly irritated, and concerned. After some prayer and thought, I am still irritated, concerned, and now outraged, and in complete disbelief at the audacity of this man.

Now, this is not politically motivated. Whether I am Democrat or Republican, for or against Universal Healthcare, is not the issue. The issue is that I have been entrusted with children, by their creator, God Himself. I have been given the responsibility to keep them safe, loved, and to grow them into law-abiding, God-fearing citizens. In order to do this, I pre-read everything they read, pre-watch everything they watch, and closely monitor anyone they spend their time with. But now, a man whom I do not trust, wants free access to my children. To say to them whatever he chooses. And he wants to do this in the evening when I am with them and can make choices for them. NO! He is going to access them while they are out of my care and in the care of the school.

This is what I find an outrage. This is a blatant disregard for my rights as a parent to discern what is best for my children. If he were to tape this speech and make it available to preview, I would preview it and then allow or disallow my children to watch it. I do not allow just anyone to speak their thoughts and ideas freely to my children, least of all someone I distrust and have numerous fundamental differences with. There are major issues of morality and ethics that are in direct conflict with our views.

I find the entire prospect a direct violation of my rights as a parent. I have sent an email to our school principal asking if this telecast will be shown in our school. If it will indeed be shown, I will remove my children during any discussion and viewing time. I will not rob my children of the entire instructional day, but they will not participate in this blatant attempt to indoctrinate them. I will stand up against this shift to socialism as long as I still can. This is not about who our President is, this is about how much government we are going to allow in our lives. I, for one, will stand up now and say something and not wait for the government to grow in power to micromanage every detail of my life.

If you agree with this and have school-aged children, do something about it! If you disagree, well be glad this is the United States of America and we are all still allowed to disagree. It is that simple. I am one parent who lays her head on the pillow each night and prays to God to help me make the best decisions for my children and for them to grow up to be people He and I can be proud of. Parenting is the toughest job in the world, and is a job I take very seriously. As tough as it is though, I'd like to do it without the "help" of the President.

"Un Christian-like Behavior"

2009-08-17T16:39:00.003-04:00

Ok, so I haven't blogged in awhile, but this is burning in my brain to write about. My title is one of sarcasm and I will address my Un Christian opinions in this post. I have been accused by some and simply challenged by others on my very strong opinion of Michael Vick playing for the Eagles. I have been accused of being unforgiving and not practicing what I preach.

First of all, this entire issue is one of huge conflict for me. I was born an Eagles fan. In my house, there was no other option presented and I started bleeding Eagles green at a very young age. This love for my team has persevered through countless disappointments (they've yet to win a SuperBowl), seasons where one or two wins was all we got, and my own move out of state. Through it all I have stayed loyal to my team and have always been known as the crazy girl who is OBSESSED with the Eagles.

Then there is another love of mine, animals. I have been a vet tech since I was 19. I have raised dogs, showed dogs at Westminister, traveled overseas to see dogs shown internationally, slept on the floor next to dying dogs, and mourned for the loss of every pet I've ever had. What we have here is a major conflict of interest for me.

Now, we reach the accusations, and here I will address them. First of all, along with Michael Vick, I do not agree with the reinstatement of ANY convicted felon to a major sports team. This is not about dog fighting being the "worst offense" in my opinion. It is not. There are much worse crimes, all of which should keep a player from ever getting on the field again.

So what about grace, forgiveness, and second chances? I believe whole heartedly in all of the above. I serve a merciful loving God who sacrifice greatly to provide these things. However, there is one big word missing here, and that is consequences. There are consequences for actions, something this society is watering down everyday. I know of people right this minute who have committed much "smaller" crimes than the mutilation and torture of innocent animals and have fallen on their face before God and repented. They sincerely are seeking restitution and want to start their life over again. However, most employers will not hire them. Even WalMart has a strict policy not to hire convicted felons. Do I understand this policy? Absolutely! However, this man can walk back into his life and make millions of dollars immediately after serving his jail sentence.

This is what is wrong with our society. We are raising our children in a "sugar-coated" world absent of consequences. Society doesn't want us to spank our children for bad behavior, wants to give a trophy to everyone, not keep score at the soccer game, and make sure "everyone is a winner". Where are the consequences? If you play poorly, you lose the game. If you don't behave, you will be punished. This is how I strive to raise my kids regardless of the popularity of it. We are not preparing them for the real world, unless their future includes being a professional athlete. Only the rich and famous are above consequences. And what are their chances of reaching that level of "success"?

And so this is where I am. I do not advocate any convicted felon playing a professional sport and making millions of dollars doing it. This is a position of public trust and so many young kids and athletes look up to them and want to "be them". My forgiveness does not have any bearing on this entire issue. I was not wronged, and I do not harbor ill feelings or wishes for Michael Vick or any other person trying to straighten out their lives. I hope that anyone in this position sincerely cries out to God (where one should turn for forgiveness) and sets their life on the right course.

I hope everyone who has had a strong opinion about Michael Vick being able to play,and against those of us not agreement of the decision ,will one day "practice what they preach" and reach out to a real-live member of society trying to make their own restitution. Maybe you will mentor someone recovering from drug or alcohol addiction and help them get their lives back on track. This is where a real difference will be made.

As for my Philadelphia Eagles, well, time will tell. My biggest dread is the moment Vick throws the game winning pass or leads them to the Super Bowl. Where will I stand then? I do not know, I honestly don't. But I know this for sure, I have always been an Eagles fan and I serve the God of second chances. You cannot challenge me on that.

Blessings!

2009-05-25T22:50:00.002-04:00

For those of you that have not read or heard this before, or even those who have:

BETH MOORE'S HAIRBRUSH EXPERIENCE AT THE AIRPORT

At the airport in Knoxville:

Waiting to board the plane: I had the Bible on my lap and was very intent upon what I was doing. I'd had a marvelous morning with the Lord. I say that because I want to tell you it is a scary thing to have the Spirit of God really working in you. You could end up doing some things you never would have done otherwise. Life in the Spirit can be dangerous for a thousands reasons, not the least of which is your ego.

I tried to keep from staring, but he was such a strange sight. Humped over in a wheelchair, he was skin and bones, dressed in clothes that obviously fit when he was at least twenty pounds heavier. His knees protruded from his trousers and his shoulders looked like the coat hanger was still in his shirt. His hands looked like tangled masses of veins and bones. The strangest part of him was his hair and nails. Stringy gray hair hung well over his shoulders and down part of his back. His fingernails were long. Clean, but strangely out of place on an old man.I looked down at my Bible as fast as I could, discomfort burning my face. As I tried to imagine what his story might have been, I found myself wondering if I'd just had a Howard Hughes sighting.Then, I remembered that he was dead. So this man in the airport, .an impersonator maybe? Was a camera on us somewhere? There I sat trying to concentrate on the Word to keep from being concerned about a thin slice of humanity served on a wheelchair only a few seats from me. All the while my heart was growing more and more overwhelmed with a feeling for him.

Let's admit it. Curiosity is a heap more comfortable than true concern, and suddenly I was awash with aching emotion for this bizarre-looking old man. I had walked with God long enough to see the handwriting on the wall. I've learned that when I begin to feel what God feels, something so contrary to my natural feelings, something dramatic is bound to happen. And it may be embarrassing. I immediately began to resist because I could feel God working on my spirit and I started arguing with God in my mind.

"Oh no, God please no." I looked up at the ceiling as if I could stare straight through it into heaven and said, "Don't make me witness to this man. Not right here and now. Please. I'll do anything. Put me on the same plane, but don't make me get up here and witness to this man in front of this gawking audience. Please, Lord!".

There I sat in the blue vinyl chair begging His Highness, "Please don't make me witness to this man. Not now. I'll do it on the plane."Then I heard it."I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to brush his hair."The words were so clear, my heart leapt into my throat, and my thoughts spun like a top. Do I witness to the man or brush his hair?

No brainer. I looked straight back up at the ceiling and said, "God, as I live and breathe, I want you to know I am ready to witness to this man. I'm on this Lord. I'm your girl! You've never seen a woman witness to a man faster in your life. What difference does it make if his hair is a mess if he is not redeemed? I am on him. I am going to witness to this man."

Again as clearly as I've ever heard an audible word, God seemed to write this statement across the wall of my mind. "That is not what I said, Beth. I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to go brush his hair."

I looked up at God and quipped, "I don't have a hairbrush. It's in my suitcase on the plane. How am I supposed to brush his hair without a hairbrush?".

God was so insistent that I almost involuntarily began to walk toward him as these thoughts came to me from God's Word: "I will thoroughly furnish you unto all good works." (2 Timothy 3:17)

I stumbled over to the wheelchair thinking I could use one myself. Even as I retell this story, my pulse quickens and I feel those same butterflies.

I knelt down in front of the man and asked as demurely as possible, "Sir, may I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?"He looked back at me and said, "What did you say?""May I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?"

To which he responded in volume ten, "Little lady, if you expect me to hear you, you're going to have to talk louder than that."

At this point, I took a deep breath and blurted out, "SIR, MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF BRUSHING YOUR HAIR?"

At which point every eye in the place darted right at me. I was the only thing in the room looking more peculiar than old Mr. Longlocks. Face crimson and forehead breaking out in a sweat, I watched him look up at me with absolute shock on his face and say, "If you really want to."Are you kidding? Of course I didn't want to. But God didn't seem interested in my personal preference right about then.

He pressed on my heart until I could utter the words, "Yes, sir, I would be pleased. But I have one little problem. I don't have hairbrush."

"I have one in my bag, " he responded. I went around to the back of that wheelchair and got on my hands and knees and unzipped the stranger's old carry-on, hardly believing what I was doing. I stood up and started brushing the old man's hair. It was perfectly clean, but it was tangled and matted. I don't do many things well, but I must admit I've had notable experience untangling knotted hair mothering two little girls.Like I'd done with either Amanda or Melissa in such a condition, I began brushing at the very bottom of the strands, remembering to take my time not to pull.

A miraculous thing happened to me as I started brushing that old man's hair. Everybody else in the room disappeared. There was no one alive for those moments except that old man and me.I brushed and I brushed and I brushed until every tangle was out of that hair.I know this sounds so strange, but I've never felt that kind of love for another soul in my entire life. I believe with all my heart, that I - for that few minutes - felt a portion of the very love of God. That He had overtaken my heart for a little while like someone renting a room and making Himself at home for a short while. The emotions were so strong and so pure that I knew they had to be God's. His hair was finally as soft as an infant's. I slipped the brush back in the bag, went around the chair to face him.

I got back down on my knees, put my hands on his knees, and said, "Sir, do you know my Jesus?"He said, "Yes, I do." Well, that figures, I thought. He explained, "I've known Him since I married my bride. She wouldn't marry me until I got to know the Savior." He said, "You see, the problem is, I haven't seen my bride in months. I've had open-heart surgery and she's been too ill to come see me. I was sitting here thinking to myself, what a mess I must be for my bride."

Only God knows how often He allows us to be part of a divine moment when we're completely unaware of the significance. This, on the other hand, was one of those rare encounters when I knew God had intervened in details only He could have known. It was a God moment and I'll never forget it. Our time came to board and we were not on the same plane. I was deeply ashamed of how I'd acted earlier and would have been so proud to have accompanied him on that aircraft.

I still had a few minutes and as I gathered my things to board, the airline hostess returned from the corridor, tears streaming down her cheeks. She said, "That old man's sitting on the plane, sobbing. Why did you do that? What made you do that?"

I said, "Do you know Jesus? He can be the bossiest thing!" And we got to share.

learned something about God that day. He knows if you're exhausted because you're hungry, you're serving in the wrong place or it is time to move on, but you feel too responsible to budge. He knows if you're hurting or feeling rejected. He knows if you're sick or drowning under a wave of temptation. Or He knows if you just need your hair brushed. He sees you as an individual. Tell Him your need!I got on my own flight, sobs choking my throat, wondering how many opportunities just like that one I had missed along the way.all because I didn't want people to think I was strange. God didn't send me to that old man, He sent that old man to me.

John 1:14, "The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."

Grades Are In!!!

2009-05-07T22:47:00.002-04:00

A quick update to last nights post, my grades are in and I am still eligible for summa cum laude! Maybe God decided I had been humbled adequately for the time being. I still have to maintain a perfect 4.0 GPA for the final 2 semesters before it is locked up. But at least it is still possible. I didn't think I'd even be able to have a chance after grades were in, but here we are!!!

One More Year To Go!

2009-05-07T01:11:00.002-04:00

I'm finally able to find an extra couple of minutes to post now that my junior year of college is complete. I cannot believe how fast this year has gone. It seems like just yesterday I was reeling from last summer's drama and embarking on this whole new world as an adult student. Boy has God been working on me this year. I ended my first semester with my first ever B grade. That was a tough one. This semester I definitely have at least one B and possibly two. I am waiting for final grades. The second B will take me out of the running for graduation with summa cum laude. I should secure magna cum laude at least. God is definitely teaching me that He is the ONLY perfect one! I have had to lower my standards for myself and accept less than perfect. This has been a big lesson I have needed to learn for some time. I'm still not sure I'm there yet.

My kids will have their mom back for a couple of months until I start all over again. Destination: May, 2010 I become the first college graduate in my family! I can hardly wait. I will celebrate my tenth anniversary with my husband and graduate from college all within a couple of weeks. What are we doing then? What else, going to Disney World!!!!

RIP Sylvester

2009-04-07T04:03:00.002-04:00

So, I haven't had the time to blog recently. My job, full time school, and my growing list of obligations have kept me quite busy. I find myself up at a ridiculous hour, partly because I am on a crazy night schedule from working night shift, and partly because I am so sad for Hailey.

Tonight, I get the dreaded text message while at work. "Can you call home, now!" it reads. Uh oh, that can't be good. The twins had spent the weekend in Savannah with their girl scout troop and my husband had text me that they made it home safe and sound, so I couldn't imagine what could be up. I called home immediately and was told that Hailey found her 2 year old cat dead in the garage shortly after getting home.

Now, let me back up and tell you about this cat and his brother. They are the most unique cats I have ever encountered. Two years ago, on the twins' 7th birthday, I was driving out of Wal Mart after picking up their birthday cake. I saw a pickup truck with a laundry basket in the back with a big sign that said, FREE. I just had to look. In the basket were 3 adorable kittens. I thought about taking one, but I decided to call my husband for a reality check. So instead of the voice of reason I hear, "One, but there are two of them, and it's their birthday. You have to take two." So I leave with 2 kittens.

These were the happiest children to each have their own kitten. Mikaela named hers Hitch (for hitchhiker, since he was my second choice) and Hailey named her's Sylvester. Now, these kittens didn't know they had feet for the longest time, because they never needed them. They were carried everywhere. With all of my animal experience, I knew one of two things was going to happen. Either these cats were going to be the most amazing pets, or the most evil and unmanageable cats ever. Well, they became amazing pets. They were like dogs in cats clothing. They did some damage, we've gone through numerous blinds they have chewed through. Everyone of the girls Polly Pocket clothes have been hidden all over the house. That was mostly Sylvester. I've just never seen cats like these. They know which twin is "theirs" and let her do whatever she wants. They brush their teeth, give them baths, things cats just don't do. They wait everyday for them to come home from school.

So all of this makes Sylvester's untimely death so much sadder. I took him to work to perform an autopsy. It was apparent he had a hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. It is a congenital heart defect that causes the heart walls to become very thickened and is untreatable and always fatal. This is the condition that usually is the cause of death in athletes who just die suddenly. There was nothing we could have done even if we knew about it.

So now we just deal with it. I've arranged for him to be cremated and have the ashes returned so she can keep them. I think tomorrow (gosh, today!) we'll go pick out a tree or bush to plant in his memory. My biggest concern now is for his brother. There is no way to know if he is affected by this same condition. We'd have to take him for an echocardiagram which is quite expensive and if he's found to have it, we still can't do anything about it. So for now we'll just pray that he will be ok and Hailey will mourn and recover.

So sad for my grief stricken baby girl!
Blessings

Through the Eyes of a Kindergartener

2008-11-12T14:41:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, Veteran's Day, my kindergartner came home from school all excited about what she had learned that day. I was particularly intrigued because her normal demeanor is exaggerated disgust at the "borin' stuff" she learned all day. So when she oozed enthusiasm, I sat down just waiting the see what had her so excited. She said, "Mommy, did you know that today is Veteran's Day? And we have the call Pop Pop because he is a Veteran, right"

"Yes, yes", I replied, "We always call Pop Pop on Veteran's Day and thank him for his service to our country and fighting in a war so we can have freedom."

"Well," she went on, "I can't wait to talk to him because I learned all about the Veterans and I want to ask him something."

I asked her to tell me what she learned and what she wanted to ask her grandfather.

"Well, the Veterans came over on the Mayflower and they met with Squanto. Squanto was an Indian and made friends with the Veterans. So since Pop Pop is a Veteran I figured maybe he actually got to meet Squanto!"

After I composed myself, I explained that she had indeed confused the Veterans and the Pilgrims and that I was very sure my father had not met Squanto. It was hysterical. It was a little sad though, she was so disappointed. I think she was expecting stories of my dad's encounters with the popular Indian. This was one of those priceless moments I never want to forget. A moment that oozes pure innocence. A moment so rare.

Blessings!

Election Day...Who Will it Be?

2008-11-04T12:59:00.002-05:00

Today is the day that has been the main topic of conversation, news, and speculation for what seems like forever. This has been the longest campaign season in history. I have a very strong opinion about who I'd like to see voted into office. I am not shy about voicing that opinion. I've got the lawn signs, the T shirt, and the bumper sticker. (I have never advertised any candidate before this election, by the way). However, I am not going to say who I voted for. Those of you who know me, certainly know, but I am posting on a historic Election Day to say this. I know what tomorrow will bring. I know what tomorrow holds. I know what will be and what will always be. My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ sits on the throne at the right hand of the Father always. He is the first and the last, the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. Whomever sits in the White House, it is who sits on the Throne of Grace that really matters. He is in charge, everything goes through Him for approval. Now don't get me wrong. I believe in voting. I believe it is a responsibility, not just a right. But at the end of the day, no one "votes" out the one true God. My God, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. And that, my friends, it where I find my peace today!!!

Blessings (And VOTE!!!)

Another One Bites the Dust

2008-10-29T08:39:00.003-04:00

I've had another revelation this week that time is marching on and I am (gulp!) getting older. Actually my kids are, but I think scientifically that means I am too, but I am a college student so I am working on changing all of that. Anyway, the twins have informed me that at the ripe old age of nine, they are too old for Halloween. No dressing up, no Trick-or-Treating. There is a great irony in this, because when we had them we decided not to celebrate Halloween in any way, shape, or form. We believed that we could not draw a line between the spiritual aspect and the innocent part. When the twins reached Kindergarten, we revisited this decision and made some changes due to their new found knowledge of the holiday they never knew. We were very cautious not to create a stumbling block in their faith by making them too different, but teaching them to enjoy the innocent part of the holiday, while shunning the unacceptable parts. This has been very successful through the past few years and they had a lot of fun. So here we are, its all over. This has definitely shown us we have made the right decision. We avoided a few years of making a bigger deal out of the holiday than it deserved by forbidding it, and only a few short years later, it is all over. It's all out of their system and we are moving on. I still have the 2 little ones, but it is not nearly as fun as dressing all four of them up. I have done a "group theme" every year and now I only have two. Two years ago we did Three Blind Mice, and last year was Goldilocks and the Three Bears. I am going to miss it, but time marches on! Gotta go get back to that cure for aging!

Blessings!

I couldn't have said it better myself...

2008-10-25T14:46:00.002-04:00

I have nothing original, but these words of Bill Gates sum up everything I could say and more...

Words to live by.

This should be posted in all schools and work places. Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car and phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping:they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were.So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools,they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one

.If you agree, pass it on.If you can read this - Thank a teacher! Most of all Thank A Veteran for keeping our country free so this can be passed on to someone else.

Blessings!

Time Goes By So Fast...

2008-10-11T22:18:00.002-04:00

So today I was faced with the fact that time is whizzing by at an uncontrollable pace. Over the past few weeks, it has become apparent that I would need to sit down and have "the talk" with my twins. They will be 9 next month and were "learning" way too much on the playground, school bus, etc. I really felt it was time to give them all the facts and just see where it would go. Some information they really had pretty straight, some things needed some tweaking, and some where just plain funny. I just can't believe how fast the time went. It seems like just yesterday I was lugging one on each hip wondering if they would ever walk and spare my back. How fitting that after our "girl time" we went shoe shopping and I discovered that they now fit into Women's' size shoes. Crazy!! I am glad that I have 2 more to try to enjoy before they to grow up. I could do without giving "the talk" again though!!

Blessings!

Where is the Mute Button?

2008-09-29T00:14:00.002-04:00

So I took Logan to her Speech therapy evaluation last Monday. They said she had a very minor delay probably caused, as I suspected, by three sisters doing all of the talking for her. She recommended a few weeks to a few months of sessions that would be 1/2 hour a week. I figured I could handle that since she could see her at my only free moment all week, Monday mornings. She worked with her a little and taught me to show her where the sounds originate from. Like pointing to your lips for p's, b's, etc. and your throat for hard c's, g's, and such. This worked incredibly well. I swear she has picked up like 25 new words this week alone. Now she is driving me crazy. There is no end to her talking. My ears are ringing. I knew this would happen, just not this quickly. She has her second session in the morning and I can't imagine what she will be like after that. The only thing her little attitude needed was words to go along with it...

How long has it been?

2008-09-20T02:09:00.002-04:00

Oh my gosh, it has been forever since I have posted. I have been so insanely busy, the weeks have flown by. I am balancing all of my roles fairly well. I have only had a handful of meltdowns which is pretty good, I think, considering I am operating on little sleep and am having hoards of material crammed into my thirty-something year old brain in my classes. I absolutely love my job, mainly because I don't change any one's diaper, no one calls me mommy, and I am appreciated for my skills and knowledge. I really missed being a vet tech, and I think I missed really being good at something. Saving lives is way easier than being a mommy. For real, it is! For a couple of hours, while my kids sleep and don't even miss me, I get to do what I really love and get paid for it, what could be better.

Anyway, I did have a curve ball thrown at me. Logan's preschool teacher is concerned about her speech. We knew she wasn't speaking as well as other kids her age, but let's face it, three other girls have done all of the talking for her. She points and grunts and what she wants magically appears. We've been monitoring her, but when her teacher told us she was very concerned, we felt we needed to pursue it. So on Monday, she has an appointment for an evaluation with the speech therapist. We'll see how it goes.

Blessings!

Momentary Lapses and Inflated Egos

2008-08-28T09:54:00.002-04:00

I can't believe it has been a week since I posted. It has been so crazy busy. Well, I did not do so well with my "no proofreading". I have to confess, I have sent back homework for rewrites. Only a few, and I did let a lot go through that I would normally never allow. But seriously, if it is vocabulary words and the teacher wants them put into sentences, I can't let them go back if they have the completely wrong context of the words, right? Ok, I'll tell it to the judge. So, my new problem of the week is the school system's contribution to my children's inflated egos. My girls are coming home on an almost daily basis and telling me that their teachers are telling them that they are "the best kids in the school". I have been having issues with the huge self esteem movement for some time. I mean, don't get me wrong, we need to tell our kids that they are special, and especially girls need to have a good self image. I am all about that. But this new wave professing of greatness just goes over the top. More and more I am seeing this "everyone is a winner" mentality. Let's face it, this is not the way the world works. Everyone is NOT the best at everything. Everyone has their strengths and EVERYONE has their faults. We need to show our children both. These kids need to know that they have faults so that they can work to improve them. I asked Hailey, "What are some of your faults, what do you need to improve to be a better person?" She actually answered, "Nothing, my teachers tell me I am perfect, I'm the best kid in the class". Mackenzie tells me that she is told she is the best in the school. Ok, my reply. "You are a fantastic kid, you are capable of great things with a lot of hard work, but you are not perfect. There is only one person who ever walked the face of this earth and is perfect. That is Jesus Christ! That's it, end of story. You can do all things, IN CHRIST!! But alone, you are nothing. This explains a lot of why only 4% of the last generation are saved. They are being told that they need nothing. They are wonderful, perfect geniuses. Everyone has a "Jesus-sized" hole inside of them that leaves them yearning for something until it is filled with Him. We as parents have to be so careful not to fill that or let others fill that place up with false professing. We need to have them remain incomplete until they ask the Lord into their life and establish a daily walk and relationship with Him. Only then, should they feel complete. I know this is hugely controversial. Some people may feel this is completely off base, but I am convinced that this is contributing to a lost generation. We need to love our children without condition, build them up, make them feel special, but then leave them wanting something more. Something that only a relationship with the Lord can provide.

Blessings!

Pulling Back...

2008-08-21T14:38:00.004-04:00

This has been a crazy busy week. I am adjusting to going from being a full time mom to being a full time mom, a full time student, and a part time employee all at once. It is going well, thanks to my time management skills. I knew all those calendars, charts, graphs, and clocks would come in handy someday, Ha Ha! Anyway, tonight is the Kindergarten Orientation night. Tuesday was the Third Grade one. Wow, what a difference going from second to third grade. They pretty much want us as parents to completely pull back and let these kids sail on their own, even if it means sinking. For the last couple of years, homework meant yelling, begging, tears, hysteria and eventually it got done. Oh yeah, sometimes the girls would get a little upset too. After their submissions of their writing I would whip out my red pen and transform their white sheet of paper into a blood bath of corrections. Then I would submit it back to them for the rewrite. (Yes, I am the president of the Overachievers Club and I am grooming my replacements). Well, apparently this year, that is unacceptable. On the orientation night we were told that we are not to offer much, if any, help with their homework. The teacher says,"Please allow your child to do their own work without your editing, we want to see what they need to work on, so we want it turned in as is, imperfection and all." The crazy thing is that she was looking straight at me when she told us this. I think I have been ratted out. So, I am sitting in a nine year old sized seat suddenly feeling small like a third grader all over again. I am thinking, I've just been scolded. Well, then I became a bit indignant. After all, I am a returning adult student. I know the importance of accurate, neat, and correct work turned in to the teacher, I have a 4.0 GPA! So I confidently raise my hand. "So to clarify, you would rather us not proofread their work, and allow them to turn in misspelled, grammatically incorrect writings, with run on sentences, and 14 adjectives to turn a 3 word sentence into a 17 word 'masterpiece'. And I, as a parent, will not be judged in any way, shape, or form for all of the errors that have managed to leave my home in the written state." "Yes, ma'am", the reply, " that is what we want. We want to see what level each child is at and what we need to work on in the classroom." Alright, then, so the red pen goes away and I consider myself reprimanded. And so, this is third grade. No newsletters with homework assignments printed out for me to be able to check. I have to depend on the record keeping of the girls and let them take the consequences if the work is not done. Boy, that is hard. The twins are very excited about the demise of the red pen though. I am sure there is a payoff at the root of this somewhere. Maybe I need to check their piggy banks and make sure there isn't any birthday money missing...

U S A!!!!!!!

2008-08-17T09:32:00.003-04:00

MICHAEL PHELPS ROCKS!!!

Just a shout out that I love my country. Michael Phelps is amazing, history made over and over! I am proud to be an American today (well, really everyday)!! This has been one of the best Olympics ever! Pass your pride along to someone today. GO U.S.A.!!!

Five Days Down....175 To Go

2008-08-15T09:43:00.003-04:00

Yep, that is what I was told last night. Mom, did you know there are 175 days of school left. Seriously, it is a bit soon to be counting down. They haven't even started any real school work yet. They are going to have trouble getting through the next 13 years (my girls still don't know college is optional, ha ha, well it's not!!) if they are going to count down every day. Mackenzie has 3 years more than that. I know though, they secretly love it. I start on Monday, and I have to tell you, I am overwhelmed by the syllabus. Gosh, this is going to be a journey. But, it is a journey that God has put me on, so I will be sustained. I am handling the job ok. Yesterday was hard coming home at 6:30 am and having to get the girls up and then facing the day with a two year old. A fantastic friend came to the rescue when she called me out of the blue and told me at 9am she was on her way to pick up Logan to give me some time to catch a nap. Boy, I haven't been so grateful for anything in a long time. Praise God for great friends!!! Once Logan starts Mother's Day Out the week after next, I will have an hour or two to catch a nap in the morning before starting school work. I have had to remind myself constantly these last weeks that God never gives you more than you can handle. So, I can handle this. All of this came together at His hands, so it will all continue to fall into place. God has taken me through major changes recently. Some of them I don't understand, but I do trust. There is a plan and a reason for all of it. I am submitted to His will and I feel stronger than ever.

Blessings!!

BTW Are you watching the Olympics!!! Wow, incredible. I am so proud to be living in the GREATEST country in the world. Go Phelps, Go USA!!!

Geeeee Thanks!

2008-08-14T19:05:00.006-04:00

I would like to humbly thank Hyperactive Lu for this award. I am having a blast "dumping" all of my thoughts here and amazed that any of you would want to read it. Thanks Lu for urging me to get started doing this, and thanks to everyone who reads and lets me know "they are there". I will pass this award along shortly. Here are the posted rules of this award:

1. Choose 5 blogs that you consider deserving of this award based on creativity, design, interesting material, and overall contribution to the blogger community, regardless of the language.
2. Post the name of the author and a link to his or her blog by so everyone can view it
3. Each award-winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award.
4. The award-winner and the presenter should post the link of the “Arte y pico” blog, so everyone will know the origin of this award.5. Please post these rules.

Thanks again!!!

Look, Mommy!!!

2008-08-12T09:47:00.003-04:00

So I dozed off this morning after I got the girls on the bus. Not hard to believe since I was up past 2 am. Logan got up and crawled in bed with me and started watching cartoons, for which I was truly grateful because I needed just a bit more sleep. I awoke only a few minutes later to a silent house and no Logan in my bed. I raced out of bed, and this is what I found....

She had gotten into the girls markers and was very proud of her artwork. Fortunately they were the Washable kind, but as I found out in the tub, washable does not mean it all comes completely off on the first wash. The red is especially bad. Tally another "first" for the fourth child!!!

Busy, But Happy

2008-08-12T01:16:00.002-04:00

Today, the day I have anticipated for a long time, was as busy as I thought it would be, but amazingly fulfilling. The girls went off without a hitch and I set off to some heavy housecleaning. There is just no way to really clean with four kids running all over. It was so nice to clean from top to bottom and look around and feel like I had accomplished something. Logan was in her glory. She actually sat and played all day. She has never, and I mean never, done that. She too was enjoying the massive reduction in population. After working all day on the house the kids came home in a flurry at 4. There was a steady stream of papers to fill out and sign, stories to hear, and things to gather to send in for the next day. They all seemed to enjoy their first day and so far there are no major complaints. The only glitch in the day was that poor Mackenzie didn't get any breakfast. The girls have all eaten breakfast at school since kindergarten. It saves time in the morning, and they like it. Last year the pre-K class all ate together after the morning bell. I guess I should have told her that in Kindergarten they go individually as their buses arrive. She waited and never said anything so the poor dear never had any breakfast. I told one of the twins to take her to class tomorrow to make sure she gets to eat. I already filled out a form saying she eats breakfast at school everyday, but I guess with all of the first day scurry she got overlooked.

Anyway, I also started my job tonight, which is why I am posting at such an hour. I really had a great time. The hospital was so busy that I pretty much just flew solo. They really needed an extra pair of hands, so I took off the "training" badge and just jumped right in. It will be a tough adjustment, and I need to figure out how to come home and unwind quicker, but I really enjoyed getting back to work. So now I am off to bed, my alarm goes off in 5 hours.

Blessings!!

Tomorrow is the Big Day!

2008-08-10T17:03:00.002-04:00

Tonight is the eve of the first day of school. Back to early bedtimes, homework, hectic mornings, but what I'm looking forward to...schedules. I don't work well without a schedule. I believe my family operates best expecting and knowing what comes next. I like being able to anticipate the next thing. Although tomorrow represents the start of a crazy busy life, it will bring discipline and structure back into all of our lives that is always lacking throughout the summer.

Today I have also been prompted to end my fast. I have seen incredible growth and healing through this whole experience. The original problem still exists, but what has changed is me. I am stronger, both in mind and spirit. Someone I love and respect very much gave me a verse today; Luke 4:4 But Jesus answered him, saying, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God.’”. This verse met me right where I am at. I needed to feed on the Word of God this week and that alone has sustained me. What an awesome, growing experience. I am closer to the Lord than ever. And believe me...I need to be. I still have a difficult situation to deal with, but the difference is this. This fight is not my fight. This fight is the Lord's and I have given it over to Him. I have been wronged, I have been unfairly and wrongly judged, but I cannot avenge that. I am claiming the promises that all will be made right and everything the enemy steals will be returned, and more. He will continue to speak to me and direct me and I will continue to hear Him and follow.

So with that, tomorrow comes. And with it the three older girls go off to school and I start my new job at night. It is the start of some busy, busy days ahead, but I am empowered. I am going into this time to get done what I need to get done all the while focusing on pleasing God. In the end that is all that matters.

Blessings!

A New Day

2008-08-09T22:54:00.002-04:00

So I started today choosing joy. I have had a lot of turmoil and sadness this last week and I have officially turned it all over to God. I am choosing to trust, choosing joy over sorrow. It truly is a new day. So with that our life returns to some semblance of normal. Laundry, shopping, and yes, another birthday party. We went to Jump City for a birthday party and Logan was so cute. She love the big firetruck inflatable slide. It is absolutely huge and her little two-year old self gets up there all by herself and loves the slide down. She ran over to me after every trip down and held up one finger and said, " One more". It was so cute. I would say, "OK, One more", thinking how cute it was considering it was a 2 hour party and she had plenty of more rides down.

I did think though about how even though they were twins, we followed our first(s) around directly behind them helping them maneuver everything. Making sure they didn't fall out of the inflatables, helping them up the ladders, putting them on our laps to ride the "big, scary" slide down. Here I am with the fourth and I suddenly say "Where is she?" "Oh, at the top of that 2-story inflatable fire truck over there, OK!" What a difference.

And so the party ends and Logan says, "One more" with her little finger pointing at me. "Uh, no" I say, All done". Yeah, it was cute and funny every time she said it while running by, not so funny when she doesn't understand why this "One more" is answered with a "No more". Guess I should have seen that one coming!

Blessings!

Such Good Intentions

2008-08-08T21:19:00.002-04:00

So, I sit here contemplating how to put into words all of the raging emotions I am dealing with. Nothing is more frustrating than being misunderstood and all your great intentions and motives completely twisted into something bad. Nothing breaks my heart more than broken relationships, especially when the estrangement occurs as the result of complete misunderstanding. I am reeling from the demise of a long term, more-than friendship that combusted as a direct result of the person who was supposed to know me best thinking the worst of me. I have acted on good intentions and a strong leading of the Lord. I know I heard Him, I know I received confirmation. In God's kingdom there are no mistakes and no coincidences. This situation was definitely neither.

Right now, I will tell you the enemy has picked up his game. I am seeing it everywhere. Relationships that were so strong, they seemed unbreakable, are crumbling. But also, God is as powerful and mighty as ever. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. I personally saw evidence of that this summer. He never ceases to amaze me, but He outdid Himself and He was glorified. I am believing that He always finishes and sees through what He starts.

I have been called to fasting for the first time in my life. I have tried it a dozen times but failed miserably every time. The difference this time is that is wasn't my choice. What started as what I thought was just too upset to eat turned into a conviction that this is what God is calling me to for a particular situation. I have not had food since Monday night and I am strong, sustained, and healthy. I don't know when it will end, that too will be revealed in perfect timing. I do not have hunger, for right now I am in fervent prayer and reading of the Word. My food is Christ, the Bread of Life. That is all I need. I believe that any earthly food would be a distraction from hearing what God is saying to me. This may sound pretty hokey to some of you, but to me it has brought a complete understanding to what I have been taught for years. I encourage you to open the Word and see what God says about prayer and fasting in a critical time. I believe it is making all of the difference.

I have learned more in the last weeks, than in possibly a lifetime. I have learned that everyone, and I mean everyone on earth is human, fallen, and only capable of so much. Only God is capable of perfection and completely able to keep His promises. People have a way of rewriting history and recollecting situations, conversations, etc and confusing a present situation. But I do know that God takes us through fire to refine us. We become stronger each time. If you have not heard the song Through the Fire [Gerald Crabb (Lehsem Songs [BMI], admin. by Music & Media International, Inc.) ] the chorus, "And He never promised the cross would not get heavy and the hill would not be hard to climb. Just hold on, our Lord will show up and He will take you through the fire again", it says it all.

None of us like to be misunderstood, or have people thinking badly of us. Sometimes it is downright devastating, but after all, there is only one person that matters in the end. If you can stand before the LORD God Almighty and account for your actions, well then, that is all that matters. Our human side wants recognition and appreciation, but that really is pride. More and more I am realizing that. So today, in the midst of hardcore prayer and fasting, I say, no more. I am clean before God and I am on this earth to please Him, and no one else. All of my pain will be healed, and His Will be done. I have to trust Him to see through what He began. The ones I love will be protected by His mighty outstretched arms and one day all will be revealed. Everyone will have no choice but to gaze upon the truth. All will be restored and promises will be fulfilled.

With a heavy, but hopeful heart,
Blessings

A Broken Heart

2008-08-05T22:47:00.003-04:00

Well, I haven't mentioned in any of my blogs the teenager that was staying with me all summer. I debated about mentioning her once or twice, but somehow always decided not to. Because right now she is forefront on my mind and in my heart, there is nothing else that I would be able to talk about.

Anne* (name changed) came to stay with us back in June when we returned from Pennsylvania. We expected a pretty average summer with another person in tow. Maybe a bit more difficult since after all 17 year olds aren't known for their congeniality. What happened instead was a life changing experience for all of us. I was supposed to teach her about a few things, but instead, I really think she taught me a whole lot more. The girl I had known for 7 years was closed off, deep, brooding, and very private. I always had a soft spot for her, because underneath all of that there was something that I recognized. Someone a lot like me, just craving to be understood. I wanted to have the opportunity to speak to her heart just once. I prayed she would let down her guard just once so I could see her true self.

My prayers were answered a hundred fold. It took time, and a lot of minding my own business, but God softened her and she allowed me in her life. She let me speak to her heart, her spirit, and showed me her hurts. As a result, some of my own were healed in the process. I saw her evolve and trust me more and more. I watched her come out of her shell and shine as the girl I knew she could be. And she came to me in the dark times. We worked through it together instead of her dealing with it alone. I pray this will equip her for the year she has ahead of her, and beyond.

I have always had a bit of a people pleasing problem. However, through coaching her on how to become a strong, Godly woman, I learned a little something myself. I knew the words to say, I guess I just didn't wholeheartedly believe them. I heard my voice saying to her "You are His child. You need to seek and move in His Will. If you are truly doing this, it is OK if some people are not happy with you. Be aware that sometimes even you won't be happy with where He wants you to go and do. But if you are truly sure, nothing should stop you". Wow. How powerful when you start believing this.

I am hanging onto this as I emerge from under a day long cloud of depression. Not a victory-stealing depression. Just an "I'll allow myself to wallow just for today" kind of depression. Today I sent this precious girl home. 800 long miles away. We both have an enormous amount of adjusting to do. Anne is at home trying to readjust to family life, with a family that is struggling with the fact that she prefers my household to theirs. I am going through the same old routine without her in it. Every corner I turn, I expect to see her there. I find peace in the fact that she is a child of God. He is ultimately in charge of her life and His perfect Will be done. She will be better than fine, and I will be too.

All of this brings me to the point of, are we missing out on opportunities to grow through unlikely people. If a 17 year old can change my life, than so can a lot of other kinds of people. I think instead of looking for difference between ourselves and others, we need to look for something familiar in them. Even if it is just a glimmer, it may be worth chipping away at, and you may even discover a beautiful gem underneath that can change everything for the both of you. This summer and the time we spent together is way worth all of the tears and heartache now. I believe that we are both forever changed for the better, and God will mend the broken hearts.

Blessings!

One More Week

2008-08-03T23:36:00.003-04:00

We are in the annual countdown to the start of the school year. One week and off they go. I have two going into third grade and one in kindergarten. Logan will start preschool two weeks later. The backpacks are ready, school supplies bought, and everything's a go... except the enthusiasm level is very low. I have blogged about the laziness that has overtaken this summer, and they are not ready for the 7 am wake up calls. I, too, like my leisurely mornings, but I am ready for structure and schedules to return to my household. I start my new job on the same day as the start of school and so much will change for us. I am excited for new beginnings. This was one of the best summers ever, and I pray the spirit of change and hope will continue into the fall!

Blessings!

Put It On the Calendar...

2008-07-29T18:32:00.002-04:00

Put it on the calendar! This is my most used command. If it is not on the calendar, it is not going to happen. My command center is my calendar, actually, calendars. My whole life I am transcribing from one to another. I have my calendar in my kitchen where everything starts. Everything, doctor's appointments, school functions, days off, work schedules go on there as soon as they are scheduled. Then, the monthly wipe off calendar gets done at the start of every month. Everything from the main calendar goes on the wipe off calendar and things are added almost daily. Then everything has to find its way to my daily planner in my purse, so I can continue scheduling doctor's appointments, etc. I even have a 2009 started with dentist appointments and school functions already. CRAZY!!! I realized today how much time I spend doing all of this and I was wondering if anyone relates.

All of this started as I added my new work schedule to the calendar. I am starting at the vet hospital on Aug 11. The pay is great and I am really excited to start. I think this is going to fit in nicely. I feel that it is totally doable, and if I find it is not, things can be changed. Time will tell. Anyway, gotta go, I forgot to put something on the calendar! :0]

Blessings!

Sometimes Life Is Just So Good...

2008-07-28T00:22:00.002-04:00

So today was incredible. God moved in a mighty way during church service today. So many things have settled in my spirit, and I was healed of my headaches as I was in Day 3 of a chronic headache!! Praise God! There is something stirring. I can feel huge change coming, and it will be great.

And so, today was the drawing for the Wii. This was how it worked. Every church member who brought a guest in June and July got their name put in the drawing. We had ours in, and my husband was convinced we would win. I was torn about what a Wii would do to our already crazy household. My little ones have been in fervent prayer for weeks over this. They told me, "we WERE going to win", they just knew it. Well, guess what. WE WON!! Can you believe it. And so the chaos begins. Four kids clamoring to all play the Wii. I have to admit, it is pretty fun, and they all did pretty well so far. We'll see how it goes. Apparently they have a future in prayer ministry. :0)

This week will be busy, but I'll post as much as I can!

Blessings!

It's All Coming Together....

2008-07-25T22:25:00.003-04:00

Finally, after weeks of running around, everything is on track for me to start school. I am starting to see everything falling into place. I have officially had my immunization records approved. This took the longest. I have been held up for weeks over the dates of my mumps vaccinations. The hilarious thing, is I am attending the online campus. I am not coming in contact with anyone. Maybe they don't understand what computer viruses really are!! Anyway, I got my books today, $600.00, OUCH!! And...ta daaaa, I got the veterinary job. I am meeting with the manager on Monday to talk hours and money and give my final decision. I will probably take it though. We really need the extra income, and I did have fun.

Ya know, this just really drives home that difficulties are not always closed doors. If you are sensitive to the Holy Spirit, you will know when something is not for you. But if it is, sometimes it just really requires steady perseverance and persistence. That's why it is vitally important to stay in the Word and in close relationship with Him to know what is a NO! and what is just a bump in the road. Believe me, I don't always know the difference. These last few weeks after things just kept going wrong, and kept being rejected I certainly questioned if I missing a warning that I was going in the wrong direction. But, my spirit knew that this was God's path for me and if I kept going He would see me through. And He did! I give all the glory to Him and look forward to what He has for me in the coming months!

Blessings!

Changes, Changes, Changes

2008-07-23T08:56:00.003-04:00

It has taken me a few days to post again. It has been super busy. I have another few crazy days ahead. What am I talking about, everyday ahead looks crazy! :0)

Yesterday was the semi annual trek to the dentist. Going to the dentist with four kids is extremely challenging. Fortunately, the twins pretty much fly solo, with the exception, that they are the ones that have the most issues with their teeth. Not cavities or anything, but massive impending orthodontics. They are each missing almost half of their adult teeth. They just never formed. And being that they are identical twins, I have double of everything; they are carbon copies of each other down to their teeth. I did get a little good news though. Initially they said they would begin orthodontics at nine years old, but because they still have so many teeth to lose and their 6 year old molars are still not completely in place, they put it off until ten. A one year reprieve!!! Considering the expense of two major orthodontics treatments at one time, I will take every minute I can get. Kenzie was great, a perfect little mouth of pearly teeth. She was fortunate to get my genes in that department. Then, the little one had her first dentist visit as well. Suffice it to say, she was less than thrilled. They really didn't get to do very much, but at least she sat in the chair by the end and did open her mouth once. Anyway, it was all exhausting. I was spent by 10:00!

I had my working interview at the vet hospital last night as well. It was great. I really remember how to do everything. I was supposed to stay until ten, but I didn't leave until after eleven. It was great. I drew blood successfully on the first try, wrangled a nasty kitty, and remembered the names of all of my surgical instruments. That is a huge accomplishment for this mushy brain. All of my skills have been just under the surface all this time. I will hear in the next day or two if I got the job, but I did have fun. I think I could make room for this job in my week, and I know I would enjoy it. Sometimes it is beneficial to have one more thing to do if it is a much needed distraction from everything else. I think this may be an example of that.

Today I am doing the school supply run. Three kids and myself all have back to school lists to conquer. The backpacks are ordered online, so that takes a pressure off the the school shopping. (For those of you with school age kids, Toys R Us has great backpacks on sale for 14.99, free shipping on orders over 20.00 and a free lunch box with backpack purchase-limit one; I got 2 Hannah Montana packs, a High School Musical pack, and a lunchbox all for under $50 delivered to my door!) I also have to get the new Miley Cyrus CD, it came out yesterday and the twins don't have it yet. We are obviously VERY behind the times.

I am still tying up loose ends to start school on the 18th. I am still fighting about immunizations, getting my financial aid fixed, and need to get my books this week. I did get my work area set up with a new (used) desk and chair free on Craig'sList!! What a God send. It is perfect in my room and she even threw in a free light. I will have plenty of room to spread out all of my books and work in my room with limited interruption!!

All in all, this is a season of change. Nothing ever stays the same for long, but we have a lot of changes all at once. The great thing about change is it offers the opportunity to make a fresh start. Even though it can be scary, I try to welcome and embrace it. Change is positive as long as we are moving forward. You can't truly move and grow if changes don't occur. I just need to ask the Lord to help me to grow in Him, and change me to conform to His will. I have learned enough to know that I don't want anything, no matter how great it looks, if it is not His will. I will not enjoy it and it will not "work" in my life if it is not of Him. I feel a new spirit coming over my life. I know God is asking me to trust Him, giving up some things, relationships, hang-ups, and taking on other things that may be out my comfort zone. I pray I will have the faith to keep going where God sends me!!

Blessings!

The Answer To Every Question

2008-07-20T17:28:00.002-04:00

This weekend has been very busy, but overall a great weekend. However, I will take advantage of my captive audience to respond to all of the crazy (and sometimes downright rude) questions and comments constantly sent our way. Ok, here goes:

Yes, they are twins.

Yes, the are identical.

They were vaginal, not C-section. ( You cannot believe the number of people who cannot continue their day without the answer to this one)

We made them the old fashioned way, no fertility drugs involved.

Yes, they are all mine.

Yes, I know what causes this, and as you can tell, I'm am good at it!

No, we are not trying for the boy.

Yes, we are done.

No, we are not on welfare. (Can you believe that one?)

Yes, they all are from the same father.

Yes, we are in for it when they are all teenagers.

Yes, we will have four weddings.

Yes, my husband is acquiring a gun and full cammo gear to meet all of the potential suitors at the door with.

Yes, we will need lots of sanitary napkins one day. (Yes, I get this all of the time "You need to take out stock in Kotex")

And yes, we will probably all have PMS at the same time.

Yes, my hand are full.

And I'd like to add, having four children is a tremendous blessing, not a burden of any kind. Each of my girls is a gift from God and I look forward to the day that I get to see what He has planned for each of them.

I have to say, the cutest comment came today (and some of them are very cute and well meaning) was "Wow, now that's a gaggle". I thought that was adorable, because, some days that is exactly how I feel. Like a mother goose with my little gaggle of goslings behind me following me here and there.

Blessings

Good Times

2008-07-18T22:38:00.002-04:00

I just got home from a girls' night out to see Mamma Mia. We went to dinner at Calverts and then off to the movie. It was so awesome. Dinner was fantastic and the movie was the best. It is definitely best done with a group of girlfriends. If you didn't know about Calvert's Sunset Specials you get 2 dinners including salad, an entree, and dessert for 28.99. It is a great meal with a nice atmosphere for a fantastic price. I highly recommend seeing Mamma Mia. It was a great movie, and a good time.

Well, I heard back from the vet hospital and I am going for a working interview on Tuesday night. I am kinda excited about getting back into scrubs and seeing how my old skills are. I'll let you know.

Today was a busy, busy day. An overall great, but busy day. Hope y'all have a great weekend. And if you can, get a group of girls together and go see Mamma Mia. You won't be disappointed.

Blessings!

Relationships, Laundry, and Dustbunnies

2008-07-17T10:37:00.004-04:00

Today I sit here very scattered. I am having trouble concentrating on one thing. I have so many unfinished projects. I am struggling with a strained friendship that needs healing. I have laundry everywhere including all of the stuff out of the attic in the next size up for all 4 girls. And my house needs some help. I still haven't tied up all of the loose ends to start my semester on Aug 18th, I need to type PTO minutes, and I need to call about that job. They never called to schedule the working interview. I got the impression they were definitely going to schedule it. Maybe they Googled me and they think I'm nuts. (They wouldn't be wrong)

We as women have so many different irons in the fire at one time. It is so hard to tackle just one thing at one time. How many times have you gotten seriously motivated to do something and your best friend calls in a crisis? Men don't understand that. No guy friend calls them in the middle of a project and says, "Yo man, my wife just doesn't understand me, can we talk?" It just doesn't happen. Us girls need to talk things out. We know there are special girls in our lives who will put aside their current preoccupation to talk us off the ledge, and when the call comes our way we do the same thing. That is just how it is.

Well, maybe today I will get something accomplished. I do need to drag the crew to WalMart for yet another birthday present. Gosh I am sick of birthday parties. Did you ever go to so many parties when you were a kid? I know I didn't. I have had to budget practically another utility-sized payment just for gifts. It does keep the kids occupied and happy for about 2 hours, so I guess that is a small price to pay.

Oh yeh, Thanks Lu for the endorsement! Thanks for all the comments everyone, and feel free to add me to your blogroll. Leave me your URL and I'll do the same.

Blessings!

Can I Wear One More Hat?

2008-07-15T20:55:00.004-04:00

So today I went for that job interview. It went great. They were impressed with my skills and experience. They are offering a flexible schedule where I would work 2 overnights a week. I would work from 7 pm until 7 am. I mean, what would I do between those hours? Just sleep, that's all. If I don't work consecutive nights I wouldn't need to sleep during the day. I have done full time overnights for years. I handle it quite well. Anyway, I will go to the working interview in the next couple of weeks and see how it all pans out. If it is meant to be it will be. I pray that God open the doors that should be opened and close the rest. -Amen

Once again, I fought with the twins about their laziness. They have apparently watched every episode of Spongebob ever made, so now they are watching them in Spanish. I mean really, who knew Spongebob was On Demand in Spanish. Take my word for it, the only thing worse than hearing the Spongebob theme song every half hour is hearing it in Spanish every 20 minutes (no commercials). Anyway, they did go swimming today, so that broke up the down time.

Logan graduated from the crib to the toddler bed. Not by my choice. She just mastered climbing out of the crib so well that it was just time to give in. This resulted in a midnight trek into the attic to dig out the bed rail after a loud thud shattered the silence of the night! The poor thing woke up on the floor sobbing, not knowing what happened.

So after a pretty average day I am left with the question, Can I wear one more hat? I have to say that the adult conversation was pretty exciting. I had two interviewers listening intently while I talked about myself, my non-mom self. I was kind of giddy with whole thing. I mean how often does that happen? I really didn't want to leave. The idea of giving up some sleep to get paid to do what I love and hang out with some adults and animals 12 hours at a time really is very appealing. It took all my will power to actually leave of my own accord. I asked as many questions as I could think of to keep me there longer, but I thought they may call security after awhile, so I left. I did have a spring in my step when I remembered how impressed they were with my resume. I mean really, I have skills beyond cooking, cleaning, and diapering. And someone wanted to know about it.

But the real question we have to consider is whether I can take on one more responsibility. On top of a full load of school, PTO Board, MOPS Steering, Missionettes, and just the general parenting of 4 little ones. I know from experience that if this is what God has for me, He will provide the strength and stamina. We desperately need some more income and these hours would go a long way to close that gap. Time will tell.

Blessings!

Here We Go

2008-07-15T09:34:00.000-04:00

So, I have been told so many times that I need to write a book. Well, my crazy life will not allow that right now, so I decided to start blogging to see how that goes. You can see that my life is very full right now in About Me.

Here's where I am at right now. I have twin girls, Mikaela and Hailey, starting third grade; Mackenzie starting Kindergarten; and my two year old Logan. I will be starting Logan in a 2K program three days a week after the girls go back to school. My struggles right now revolve mainly around the two year old. Apparently my first three are the Stepford children. I never had the issues with them that I have with her. Perfect example: After I found out I was pregnant with Mackenzie, the twins were 2, I decided that I needed to work on them in parking lots since I would have an infant and 2 toddlers. I taught them that when they got out of the car they would immediately turn around and place both hands flat against the car. I taught them this in a very short period of time. After Mackenzie was born, our unloading in the parking lot eerily resembled an episode of COPS. The twins would get out and quickly turn around a put their hands on the car like they were about to be searched and cuffed. This allowed me to get the baby out of the car, loop the carrier over my arm, grab a little hand on each side, and off we went. Perfect, Dang I was a good mother. Yes, then came Logan. This brings a much different scene. As I am teaching her our great parking lot technique she is turning her body into a pile a spaghetti and falling to the ground while I am trying to pin her grubby little hand to the car. Then I have to pull her off of the 150 degree pavement. Then something shiny catches her eye, her attention is gone. And if there is old gum on the ground, you may as well forget it. So, Wal Mart makes these great harnesses that look like and animal backpack. We have a monkey and the tail is a leash. Logan is just that kind of kid, always pushing us to plan B or C...

Right now with the others, I am fighting slothfulness. I am tired of pajamas till 2 and cartoons all day. It is not like we don't ever do anything, we do. Many days we have plans, but I need some days at home to get things done. These are the days I fight the laziness. I am sick of hearing, "Get dressed, why, are we going somewhere?". Honestly, is there a tween law about getting dressed and then not going out? I think they are really secret agents of Al Gore's to keep me from using my washing machine and dryer too much.

Today is fairly busy, I have a part time job interview at an animal hospital. I am possibly looking for something to supplement my husbands income. I was a veterinary technician up till 5 years ago. I specialized in trauma and critical care and working in a 24 hour veterinary hospital would allow me to work a little at night. I am not convinced I will even take a job right now, but they called me, so I'll sit for the interview. Who knows, maybe a few hours out at night would be a good thing. I have a million things on my plate, but it could be the break I need. I'll keep you posted.

One more thing, today is election day in Columbia County. We are in primary elections. If there is voting where you are today, get out and vote. It is your American right and civic duty! :o)